Love will keep us together
Think of me babe, whenever
Some sweet-talking girl comes along, singing her song
Don’t mess around, you’ve just got to be strong, just stop
‘Cause I really love you, stop
I’ll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together…

I have been married for fifty-two years to a man of God who always has my back because of His love for God first which has enhanced his love for me.  This next passage bothers and challenges many people.  How it affects people depends on the what they think love and marriage is.  Although the Pharisees are actually baiting Jesus with a Mosaic law passed down through the ages to allow for the protection of those divorced and left behind without help, Jesus brings them back to God’s original design and thought about “two becoming one” in a union of all that is holy—“holy matrimony”.

What is our aptitude about marriage?  My husband, who counseled many before the marriage ceremony as a former pastor, would ask questions that required deep thinking.  The responses he would hear readily showed their aptitude and knowledge of a real, authentic marriage of grace as they put the other’s interests ahead of their own.  Most often, two people come together with two different ideas and expectations of each other.  In counseling, the two people in front of the pastor will adamantly declare that no matter what, our love alone will keep us together…as the Captain and Tennille sang many years ago. But the deeper question is, what kind of love are we talking about?  What is our aptitude about love in marriage?  Our behaviors will immediately reveal the kind of love we have in our hearts when finances become challenging, disagreements over leaving dishes in the sink arise, along with the plethora of other life stuff that demands our immediate attention.  Will that love truly keep us together?  Do conditions arise that affect the depth of our love for each other?

God designed the union of two becoming one with Adam and Eve.  From the beginning of that first union, Satan entered with a goal to break this union apart.  Anything that comes between God and mankind desecrates what God intended as holy.  Temptations will always be presented in our lives, married or not, that will distract us from God and His love, mercy, and grace. 

Read and listen to how Jesus deflects the rule of divorce discussion and redirects them to talking about what a Godly marriage looks like. “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone,” says Jesus to the crowd and to the baiting Pharisees who miss the point of most discussions with Jesus.

Matthew 19, The Message

Divorce

^1-2 When Jesus had completed these teachings, he left Galilee and crossed the region of Judea on the other side of the Jordan. Great crowds followed him there, and he healed them.

³ One day the Pharisees were badgering him: “Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”

^4-6 He answered, “Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”

⁷ They shot back in rebuttal, “If that’s so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?”

^8-9 Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery.”

¹⁰ Jesus’ disciples objected, “If those are the terms of marriage, we haven’t got a chance. Why get married?”

^11-12 But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”

WHAT DO WE LEARN—HOW DO WE RESPOND?

One of the most heartbreaking responses Randy received in counseling a couple was, “Don’t worry, we know if this whole marriage thing doesn’t work, we can just divorce and move on with our lives.”  Randy’s response?  “Then don’t get married.  Going into marriage with that attitude shows you probably don’t have the maturity it takes to stay married.”

Isn’t this what Jesus is really saying here in this passage?  “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life…it requires a certain aptitude and grace.”

But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”

Growing into the largeness of marriage depends on the love we have for God.  We don’t really know love unless we know God who is love.  (See 1 John 4) Two people who have committed themselves to God, who believe Jesus died for their sins, who follow His Holy Spirit voice in obedience to God’s will, and who are growing in the realization of the depth of love God has for each one of them separately are more apt to understand the “largeness” of a growing, thriving love in “holy matrimony”. 

What is holy matrimony?  Marriage becomes holy matrimony when people focus on honoring God and serving the other person at the same time.

What I have learned through the years of my own marriage is;

• The closer I am to Jesus, the closer I am to Randy. 
• The more I realize the depth of love God has for me, the more deeply I love Randy. This is the “largeness” of marriage!
• The greater my gratitude is to God for His love, mercy, and grace, the more I am apt to give love, mercy, and grace to my beloved husband.

Marriage, “holy matrimony”, is about our aptitude, attitude and gratitude toward God with a love that grows to bear the holy fruits of God’s character growing within us.  See Galatians 5 for the “list”.  Divorce isn’t the issue.  How to get out of a relationship isn’t the issue.  What God intended for our best is the real issue based on a love that goes beyond our wildest imaginations.

Lord,

Thank you for your love for both of us individually and as a couple. Thank you for loving us through all kinds of circumstances that challenge the strength, tenacity and depth our love.  Thank you for teaching us your love so that we might love better still.  Thank you for daily cleansing our hearts, renewing our minds, feeding our souls, and restoring the joy of your salvation at work within us—all because of your relentless, unconditional, great love for us.

In Jesus Name, Amen