Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell ya, brother, you can’t have one without the other.

This catchy tune of the fifties comes to mind as Jesus tells of the two most important elements of our healthy, intimate relationship with God.  Wait, what? Simply put we must Love God and then Love Others like He loves us.  Jesus told the pesky, ferocious Pharisees you can’t have one without the other.  Jesus applies this principle to our forgiveness as well, an outcome of our love for God and Others. For Jesus to forgive us our sins we must forgive others who have sinned against us or offended us.  You can’t have one without the other.  (So, is this tune stuck in your mind as it is in mine right now?)  Our new life with Christ, learning to be more like Him, “hangs” on, depends on, these two commands to love.  How revolutionary!

Let’s dive into Kingdom of God thinking and behaving as taught from Jesus, the Master Teacher, who cannot be stumped with questions designed to discredit Him for He is Truth.  Truth is what it is, embodied in the Person of Jesus.  Truth, whether we believe it or not, just is.  Truth, God’s Truth, expressed by His Son, Jesus never changes. Jesus was, is and is to come, Truth—God’s Truth—so who He is and what He says is reliable and trustworthy. 

Please tell me the truth!  Over the few months, I have dealt with sales and service people who fed me nothing but lies, telling me only what they thought I wanted to hear so I would buy their product.  When I found out that every answer to my questions was a lie, they blamed me for not understanding and accepting their lies as truth.  Yep, this is how the world without God thinks and behaves.  It is getting harder to trust people as we barter for goods or services.  Right and wrong is lost somehow in the discussion.  I bring this up to discuss fully what Jesus meant when He said “Love others as well as you love yourself.”  More later…read on…

When we are immature in our love for God by saying we love Him but not others we don’t like to associate with or be around, John, Jesus “Beloved disciple, writes that we don’t know what love really is because we don’t know God.  God is love.  (See 1 John 4) To apply the love commands by Jesus, then is to know God.  We can’t love God like He wants us to love Him if we do not know Him.  AND, we can’t love others as well as we love ourselves if we do not know God. We can’t have one without the other!  Confused?  Read on…

Matthew 22, The Message

The Most Important Command

^34-36 When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: “Teacher, which command in God’s Law is the most important?”

^37-40 Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

David’s Son and Master

^41-42 As the Pharisees were regrouping, Jesus caught them off balance with his own test question: “What do you think about the Christ? Whose son is he?” They said, “David’s son.”

^43-45 Jesus replied, “Well, if the Christ is David’s son, how do you explain that David, under inspiration, named Christ his ‘Master’?

God said to my Master,
    “Sit here at my right hand
    until I make your enemies your footstool.”

“Now if David calls him ‘Master,’ how can he at the same time be his son?”

⁴⁶ That stumped them, literalists that they were. Unwilling to risk losing face again in one of these public verbal exchanges, they quit asking questions for good.

WHAT DO WE LEARN—HOW DO WE RESPOND?

“Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence,” says Jesus.  (Our more familiar, NIV translation states, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”)  In other words, love God back with all that is within us!  Everything we are and hope to be is guided by knowing His love for us.  His love teaches us that God is trustworthy and unchanging in His love. God is our Father, Creator, Sustainer, Healer, Provider, and Protector!  As we grow in our love for God; we realize the depth of love He has for us. 

We love Jesus, we follow Jesus, because in believing in Him we are in a bond of loving commitment to Him that He compares to marriage.  We are the “bride” of Christ.  He is our Groom.  We wait for Him to return someday to take us home to live with Him in our forever home that He is preparing for each one of us!  (A huge message for discussion at another time!)

The more we realize the real, pure love God has for us, I have learned that the deeper and greater our love for others grows—if we imitate the kind of love Jesus exemplified!  “Love others as well as you love yourself,” says Jesus as the second greatest commandment.  Wait, are we supposed to love ourselves?  How do we love ourselves without being prideful and boastful? Isn’t that kind of narcissistic?  And how do we love others as well or better? 

In this world, loving ourselves has been confused with self-importance.  We crave self-worth.  We hate feeling less than when around others who arrogantly declare their importance.  It’s in our nature, friends, complements of the greatest narcissist of all—Satan, himself.  Narcissism is a popular word to throw around for people who disagree with us and offend us.  But what is this trait, really?  I looked it up! 

When taken as extreme dominance in our lives, as defined by psychologists, narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school, or financial matters. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration that they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships troubled and unfulfilling, and other people may not enjoy being around them.  These traits become a “disorder” when taken to unhealthy extremes in behavior.  So be careful using this term.

Seems to me, however that these traits describe our Enemy, the fallen angel who did not want to be like God but demanded to be God!  He as been plaguing us ever since he was kicked out of heaven, tempting us with these tendencies of selfishness.  We may not go as far in having a disorder that cripples us, but just the tendencies of selfishness can be a kink in our armor of God as we live our lives for Jesus.  (See Philippians 2 for Jesus supreme example of laying self down.)

We definitely are tempted to think more highly of ourselves like the Pharisees thought of themselves—maybe that’s why Jesus phrased this second commandment like He did–love people as much as you love yourselves right now!  But remember; loving others begins first with loving God with all that is in our being, relating and living.  God is love.  God teaches us how to love like He does—unconditionally, relentlessly, unselfishly, wanting the best for us. 

Love God.  Love Others.  You can’t have one without the other!

Try, try, try to separate them
It’s an illusion
Try, try, try and you will only come
To this conclusion

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage                                                             This I tell ya, brother, (and sister), you can’t have one without the other.

Lord,

I love you with all my heart, mind, and soul.  Because of Your love for me, I want to love like you love.  Cleanse my heart of all that offends you.  Renew my mind.  Feed and refresh my soul with your new mercies each morning.  Restore the joy of your salvation at work within me.  Thank you for teaching us what love is—You.  Be my wisdom, strength, and power to love others like you love me.

In Jesus Name, Amen

NOTE: God created doctors to help us when we are overwhelmed.  This advice is helpful in deciding when to see a doctor:

People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don’t seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol misuse, or another mental health problem. What they view as insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

If you recognize aspects of your personality that are common to narcissistic personality disorder or you’re feeling overwhelmed by sadness, consider reaching out to a trusted health care provider or mental health provider. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.