I do declare that family squabbles begin with mere assumptions and presumptions!  We assume what a one member of the family is thinking and then presume what they will do according to our judgement.  But often, that is not what they were thinking at all. Sides are formed immediately and a lasting feud is born.  Sarcastic remarks between the opposing sides begin a war of disagreements over the most trivial things.  Lies, based on assumptions to bring people “down to size” become the humiliating weapons of war.  The children see what is happening with hate demonstrated before them and either cower in a corner until it’s over, or choose a side and angrily act out among their peers as the war escalates.  

Assumption:  a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

Presumption: an idea that is taken to be true, and often used as the basis for other ideas, although it is not known for certain.

No one is listening for understanding.  No one is backing down.  The war can go on for generations without really knowing the cause.  Who’s to blame?  We are.  We walk right into the war with an extreme weakness of humanity—selfishness.  The enemy of God, our real enemy uses this weakness for his purpose to destroy us until Someone mediates the situation who has no partiality. This Person has all authority to lead us to a discussion of resolution, forgiveness, while casting out all assumptions, presumptions, bad feelings with perceived notions and emotions.  That Person is Jesus, our High Priest and Mediator.

Joshua 22

Eastern Tribes Return Home

Then Joshua summoned the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh ² and said to them, “You have done all that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded, and you have obeyed me in everything I commanded. ³ For a long time now—to this very day—you have not deserted your fellow Israelites but have carried out the mission the Lord your God gave you. ⁴ Now that the Lord your God has given them rest as he promised, return to your homes in the land that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan. ⁵ But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

⁶ Then Joshua blessed them and sent them away, and they went to their homes. ⁷ (To the half-tribe of Manasseh Moses had given land in Bashan, and to the other half of the tribe Joshua gave land on the west side of the Jordan along with their fellow Israelites.) When Joshua sent them home, he blessed them, ⁸ saying, “Return to your homes with your great wealth—with large herds of livestock, with silver, gold, bronze and iron, and a great quantity of clothing—and divide the plunder from your enemies with your fellow Israelites.”

⁹ So the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh left the Israelites at Shiloh in Canaan to return to Gilead, their own land, which they had acquired in accordance with the command of the Lord through Moses.

¹⁰ When they came to Geliloth near the Jordan in the land of Canaan, the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh built an imposing altar there by the Jordan. ¹¹ And when the Israelites heard that they had built the altar on the border of Canaan at Geliloth near the Jordan on the Israelite side, ¹² the whole assembly of Israel gathered at Shiloh to go to war against them.

¹³ So the Israelites sent Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, to the land of Gilead—to Reuben, Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh. ¹⁴ With him they sent ten of the chief men, one from each of the tribes of Israel, each the head of a family division among the Israelite clans.

¹⁵ When they went to Gilead—to Reuben, Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh—they said to them: ¹⁶ “The whole assembly of the Lord says: ‘How could you break faith with the God of Israel like this? How could you turn away from the Lord and build yourselves an altar in rebellion against him now? ¹⁷ Was not the sin of Peor enough for us? Up to this very day we have not cleansed ourselves from that sin, even though a plague fell on the community of the Lord! ¹⁸ And are you now turning away from the Lord?

“‘If you rebel against the Lord today, tomorrow he will be angry with the whole community of Israel. ¹⁹ If the land you possess is defiled, come over to the Lord’s land, where the Lord’s tabernacle stands, and share the land with us. But do not rebel against the Lord or against us by building an altar for yourselves, other than the altar of the Lord our God. ²⁰ When Achan son of Zerah was unfaithful in regard to the devoted things, did not wrath come on the whole community of Israel? He was not the only one who died for his sin.’”

²¹ Then Reuben, Gad and the half-tribe of Manasseh replied to the heads of the clans of Israel: ²² “The Mighty One, God, the Lord! The Mighty One, God, the Lord! He knows! And let Israel know! If this has been in rebellion or disobedience to the Lord, do not spare us this day. ²³ If we have built our own altar to turn away from the Lord and to offer burnt offerings and grain offerings, or to sacrifice fellowship offerings on it, may the Lord himself call us to account.

²⁴ “No! We did it for fear that some day your descendants might say to ours, ‘What do you have to do with the Lord, the God of Israel? ²⁵ The Lord has made the Jordan a boundary between us and you—you Reubenites and Gadites! You have no share in the Lord.’ So your descendants might cause ours to stop fearing the Lord.

²⁶ “That is why we said, ‘Let us get ready and build an altar—but not for burnt offerings or sacrifices.’ ²⁷ On the contrary, it is to be a witness between us and you and the generations that follow, that we will worship the Lord at his sanctuary with our burnt offerings, sacrifices and fellowship offerings. Then in the future your descendants will not be able to say to ours, ‘You have no share in the Lord.’

²⁸ “And we said, ‘If they ever say this to us, or to our descendants, we will answer: Look at the replica of the Lord’s altar, which our ancestors built, not for burnt offerings and sacrifices, but as a witness between us and you.’

²⁹ “Far be it from us to rebel against the Lord and turn away from him today by building an altar for burnt offerings, grain offerings and sacrifices, other than the altar of the Lord our God that stands before his tabernacle.”

³⁰ When Phinehas the priest and the leaders of the community—the heads of the clans of the Israelites—heard what Reuben, Gad and Manasseh had to say, they were pleased. ³¹ And Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, said to Reuben, Gad and Manasseh, “Today we know that the Lord is with us, because you have not been unfaithful to the Lord in this matter. Now you have rescued the Israelites from the Lord’s hand.”

³² Then Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, and the leaders returned to Canaan from their meeting with the Reubenites and Gadites in Gilead and reported to the Israelites. ³³ They were glad to hear the report and praised God. And they talked no more about going to war against them to devastate the country where the Reubenites and the Gadites lived.

³⁴ And the Reubenites and the Gadites gave the altar this name: A Witness Between Us—that the Lord is God.

WHAT DO WE LEARN—HOW DO WE RESPOND?

The Situation:  Returning to the eastern side, the three tribes built an altar patterned after the Lord’s altar. They were accused of idolatry and rebellion, no questions asked. But Phinehas, their priest, declared that the altar was a token of solidarity with the rest of Israel and a reminder to the rest of the tribes that they all worshiped one God.

The Issue:  The “other side” assumed the worst and was ready to go to war.

The Solution:  Phinehas the priest was sent to mediate the situation. After listening the crisis of war was averted.  “Oh, I get it now.”

Tools of Response:

When conflict occurs, we must not perform the long jump of hasty conclusions, but listen to both sides of the story to make a wise decision. When we pause, become still, let go of our assumptions and listen to our Advocate, Judge, High Priest, and Lord of our lives; we ready ourselves to listen to each other with focused attention on the truth of the matter.   

Get Help!  We need help and God loves give it!  Just ask! His Holy Spirit lives in all believers, ready to help with power! God gave us this part of Himself to guide us to all that is true and right.  His Holy Spirit comes with power beyond our human wisdom and will trump our human weakness of assuming and presuming. “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”—Jesus, describing the work of God’s Holy Spirit, John 16:13

Wait on God’s wisdom. Waiting on God means working through conflicts, forgiving offenses, resolving disputes.  “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31 These sins, (let’s call them what they really are), of assuming and presuming are such a waste of worrisome energy and takes away our smiles! Want a facelift?  Try a faith lift which begins with really believing and trusting God in all areas of life!  He is Life now and forever!  Knowing God is knowing real love.

Love God. Love Each Other.  The two greatest commandments—everything else stems from these, says Jesus.  Matthew 22:36-40

Forgive each other.  “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Develop the Holy Pause. “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9, MSG

Lord,

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.  Lead us not into the temptations of assuming what others are thinking; but deliver us from evil and evil’s schemes to distract us from you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help to overcome this weakness.

In Jesus Name, Amen