Well, I spent a lifetime lookin’ for you
Single bars and good time lovers were never true
Playing a fools game, hopin’ to win
And tellin’ those sweet lies and losin’ again

… I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places
Lookin’ for love in too many faces
Searchin’ their eyes
Lookin’ for traces of what I’m dreaming of
Hoping to find a friend and a lover
I’ll bless the day I discover another heart
Lookin’ for love

In 1980 Johnny Lee had the number one country hit in the land with “Lookin’ for Love” from the Urban Cowboy soundtrack. The song is most remembered for the line from which the title comes: “Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places.”  But whether someone’s cultural memory includes that film or song, the universal nature of the sentiment is obvious.  We are constantly looking in the wrong places for the right things. Most think that our lust, called “love at first sight,” coupled with the view of the world to just “follow your heart” will be the pathway to happiness and fulfillment.  But our hearts are full of deceit, says Jesus, and our minds clouded by our own sinful nature. 

Love and happiness are the constant pursuits of our hearts; yet it eludes us so often because we are looking for both in all of the wrong places.  Jesus is pretty clear about where not to look: wealth, pleasure, fame, honors, and power.  He is also adamant and concise about where to look: God. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” –Jesus, Matthew 6:33

 “These things” Jesus is referring to are real love, eternal joy, everlasting peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—also called the fruits of God’s Holy Spirit who lives in all who believe in Him. (Galatians 5:22-23) We begin to bear these characteristics of God as our relationship with Him continues to grow and mature. We were created in the image of God; we develop His characteristics as we grow in our relationship with him with a desire to more and more like Him in every way!

Jesus expands his teaching on the mountainside with examples of how to love and live with God’s Kingdom thinking. God’s love becomes a part of us when we say yes to Jesus, His Son.  His love then guides us to love others like He loves us.  Real love, the love we search for and desire to have and to hold, is found first in God who so loved us He sent His Son to die for our sins so that a right, holy, and pure relationship with Him could begin to grow and mature. Realizing the depth of God’s love for us fine tunes our love for others. 

Our faith in God with our Hope of eternity is made possible all because of God’s love—”but the greatest of these is love,” teaches Paul to the church. (1 Corinthians 13). In fact, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 However, Jesus-approved roads to real love that fulfills our search for joy and happiness are out of sync with the everyday lives of most people’s daily pursuits.

Ammon was yet another casualty in the battle of evil to destroy our hearts. Ammon proved to be a fool.  Tamar was collateral damage in Ammon’s battle of self-desire. Ammon was looking for love in all the wrong places.

2 Samuel 13

Amnon and Tamar

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

² Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

³ Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. ⁴ He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

⁵ “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

⁶ So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

⁷ David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” ⁸ So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. ⁹ Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. ¹⁰ Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. ¹¹ But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

¹² “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. ¹³ What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” ¹⁴ But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

¹⁵ Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

¹⁶ “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. ¹⁷ He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” ¹⁸ So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. ¹⁹ Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

²⁰ Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.

²¹ When King David heard all this, he was furious. ²² And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

Absalom Kills Amnon

²³ Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there. ²⁴ Absalom went to the king and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his attendants please join me?”

²⁵ “No, my son,” the king replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go but gave him his blessing.

²⁶ Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us.”

The king asked him, “Why should he go with you?” ²⁷ But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons.

²⁸ Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” ²⁹ So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.

³⁰ While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.” ³¹ The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.

³² But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. ³³ My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”

³⁴ Meanwhile, Absalom had fled.

Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, “I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the hill.”

³⁵ Jonadab said to the king, “See, the king’s sons have come; it has happened just as your servant said.”

³⁶ As he finished speaking, the king’s sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his attendants wept very bitterly.

³⁷ Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son.

³⁸ After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. ³⁹ And King David longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.

WHAT DO WE LEARN—HOW DO WE RESPOND?

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6  So if Jesus is telling us the truth, then maybe the world is telling us the lie, and maybe that’s why Jesus warns us that we will be insulted and persecuted for following His recipe for real love while and unmasking the world and all of its trappings of false hope and happiness.
 
The earthly rewards for those who pursue earthly goods can be almost limitless, yet can be taken away in an instant.  Even if a person reaches her or his deathbed with wealth, pleasure, fame, honors, and power all intact, at the moment of death they are all gone and all that remains are those things which Jesus taught us to pursue with Kingdom of God thinking on that mountainside over 2000 years ago.  

And in that moment, after looking for happiness in all the right places, those who have listened to and acted upon the words of Jesus, will hear the greatest lyrics of all time:
 
“Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven…”—Jesus, Matthew 5:12

Lord,

Thank you for reminding us of “these things” of your Kingdom that we must seek and develop as ways to express your love in us. The evil of this story breaks our hearts, I can only imagine the heartbreak you felt as Ammon took advantage of Tamar.  Continue to help us find ourselves in your story as we grow in our relationship with you. Teach us and lead us by your love.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.